As a nation we need to heal the heart of addiction, the root cause, the reason someone is numbing out, before we can ever heal addiction. Addiction is self-punishment, it is self-sabatoge, it creates self-abuse. Yes, it’s harmful, painful, considered shameful by self and by others but, don’t despair, there is great news, it is 100% healable! But, we have to get to the heart of the addiction first. Addiction can mean so many things to so many people. When we think of addicts we think of drugs or alcohol, but there are far more addictions in the world and unfortunately, some are equally dangerous.
They say everyone is addicted to something, and for most of us, more than one thing. Yet, only 25% of us are brave enough to admit we are addicted at all, and out of that 25%, only 5% are strong enough, brave enough or feel safe enough to tell their family and friends, and ask for help to break the addictions and work on getting well again.
Nothing we ever do only affects us.
Addictions could be named in various ways, we will simplify and categorize them. We can be addicted to numbness, self-sabotaging, hiding, attention, drama, abuse, self-harm, sadness, anger, uppers, downers, porn, men, women, sex, affection, cigarettes, food, sugar, diet coke, things, phones, social media, people, our self.
Control is really the bones of addiction. When we numb out we are controlling the environment inside. Which means we do have the power to control the addiction by replacing bad with good.
Once we are numbed out, we feel out of control, and begin to self abuse. We beat ourselves up for “getting like this again.” We fill our selves with shame which is one of the worst feelings in the world. Then we begin to self punish.
Addiction fills us with shame
and self-judgement
which leads to self-punishment.
It is a hamster wheel!
If we really look at the source of the addiction it is the feeling we are addicted to. The feeling of trying to fill the hole, the emptiness inside, to where we are trying to fill in with the wrong piece of the puzzle. We try to fill the emptiness with either something that makes us feel the high, or the low or we do something numb out and ignore it all together. But…
We can not numb only one area.
We accidentally numb them all.
Numbing our life, is numbing ourselves against living, feeling, loving, happiness. Being alive means feeling…. feeling EVERYTHING. The highs as well as the lows, the goods with the bads, the pain with the love. It’s all part of it. Each part makes the other one beautiful. The Ying and Yang of life. Without one, we would never appreciate or live through the other.
Addictions are acts of self-punishment.
Some may say that there are good addictions, but I would like to think of them more as good habits. It’s a dangerous and very fuzzy line. When something, anything, becomes an addiction, it is no longer good. Some people may use good addictions to replace bad ones, which “better” but it is not healing the source of the problem. It again goes into dangerous territory when it becomes an addiction. Let me explain.
Being addicted to fitness, causes damage to our body pushing too hard, being addicted to spinach causes kidney stones, being addicted to attention, drives people away. Being addicted to people, not only gives them the power to make or break us, it is just another way to give away your own power, just like drugs, so that you don’t have to feel, take responsibility, and take back control of your situation. And until we do, we will repeat the same patterns over and over again, staying in fight or flight, because we are addicted to the adrenaline of it all.
We get into a bad relationship where we became addicted to abuse, anger, jealousy, because that is all we know, and think we are worth. So instead of leaving the problem we turn to numbing instead, and become addicted to drugs or alcohol to cope and deal with the relationship. It will not be until we finally get enough courage to end the reason we feel the need to numb out that we can heal.
We end the relationship, we end the drug abuse sober up and find someone else to “replace” the other, anyone really to fill the void. We have not healed the last wound and now we create the same situation over again. We pick fights, start wars, push and shove because that is what we feel we are worthy of. NO!
We all deserve love
and nothing but LOVE,
And love is never abusive.
We tend to allow others to treat us how we treat ourselves on the inside.
We get what we tolerate.
We have to become whole in and of ourselves before we should ever try to share that person with someone else. There is a big difference when someone wants to spend time with someone and becoming addicted to them. Addictions become dangerous and will create their own set of problems. If we were addicted to someone, we become possessive, suddenly need to know where they are every second of every day, we need to know what they are doing, thinking, who they are with. We need them to be whatever we want them to be instead of loving them for who they are. People are not puppets. Don’t allow yourself to be one either.
Addiction turns choices into NEEDS.
The difference between an addict and a nonaddict is the NEED for something. An alcoholic will NEED a drink, the casual drinker will choose to have one. The healthy person will choose to work out for their health, the addict will NEED to. When we are addicted to something we decide ahead of time that if we don’t have or do “the thing” that we will be angry, or our life will be over. Addiction makes “the thing” feel like life or death, it’s not. Taking back our power, knowing our worth, knowing that we deserve love and being love to ourselves, Is however life or death!
One huge addition that you can plainly see is cell phones. Look around at all the people missing life because they are glued to our phones. Think of the relationships missed because we didn’t look up or say hello in line. Most of us justify being on our phones a lot for “work.”
I am one of them, when I get a message on my heart to write about, I have to stop and write about it RIGHT then or it’s gone. My friends and family are used to it by now, because they know I won’t remember it later, because later, it won’t be from my heart, it will be from my memory and it’s just not the same.
I made a promise to myself and owe it to all of you, to keep everything coming from my heart so that you can feel the love in all of them. I am just the messenger, and the messages to flow through me from someone much bigger than me, the creator of Love. Just like today, I feel such a burden in my heart for all the addicts out there, that just need some love and courage, to help them break the addictions.
So how do we break addictions?
We get to the heart of them.
How do we do this? We ask ourselves WHY, why everything. Why are we numbing? What are we afraid to feel? Why are we NEEDing to do this numbing? What are we afraid to face? What feeling are we after here? What healthy habits can give us this same feeling? And I say habits (plural) because if there is more than one source to provide that feeling then it’s less likely we will get fixated on one thing and trade one addiction into another, so try many things. We need to break down one addiction at a time and peel back the layers to the source. Get “addicted” to figuring out the feelings and allowing them a safe space to flow through you. When they get stuck, so do you. Let them out!
The source of all addiction is self-worth.
We either base our self-worth on what others think of us, or what we think of our self. We should base our self-worth on what God thinks of us, and see ourselves through His eyes. He loves us more than anyone, or anything ever could. He will fill the cracks in you with love thicker and more powerful than gorilla glue! But, if you are not there yet let’s break it down to a level you can start with.
If we are addicted to what others think of us…
We are not living our own lives or owning our own power.
If we value our selves, our beauty, our worth by the opinion of others or how many likes we get from our latest selfie, or how many friends show up to our party, we are missing out on the beauty that is within us. You are the one who decides your worth. No one else. Those people do not love us. That is not love. Love comes from within. We should (no matter what we look like) be able to look in the mirror with pure, unjudgemental, appreciation, love and gratitude knowing God made us exactly perfect, we only need to understand that. When we learn to love and accept ourselves, others will too.
If we can‘t love us who can?
Who knows us more than us?
Now, this is not speaking to a narcissist behavior or attitude. They also have their own self-worth problem. They don’t allow anyone in to love on them, because the love inside is superficial and fake, its secretly hate. So they force the love on themselves as a control mechanism. They don’t believe they are worthy of love so they fill the need themselves.
Control, is also an addiction so is self-abuse and self-punishment.
Our value can not be given by another.
It comes from within, from above.
No one can give it to you,
No one can take it away.
Others can only value us to the extent that we value ourselves, and even then to the extent that they value themselves. Others will treat us how we treat ourselves. We can not give what we don’t have.
We will only allow on the outside what we allow on the inside. If we self-abuse, we allow abuse. If we are at peace inside others, will be at peace with us. If we are turmoil inside, we will bring turmoil outside.
Choose whats inside,
and whats outside will follow.
It is a dangerous place to live when we get all up in our head knocking ourselves down. We should only pour good thoughts, feelings, and words into ourselves. A quote I repeat when I’m in my own head tornado is… “In our head we are dead, In our heart is where to start.” I repeat it non-stop when needed.
The wars inside our heads, that we allow to continue for years, repeating things that someone said about us 22 days or 22 years ago that hurt us, need to stop. Creating self-punishing and we become addicted to that pain.
Y’all, We have the same choice to repeat all the compliments that people have said or the insults! Why don’t we then? Because we didn’t believe them inside and there for, put it in the “make believe bank” and tucked it away, and instead, chose to repeat the bad ones. WHY! Because it hurt more. Pain is the most powerful feeling of all. Pain is also the best teacher and when we are heartbroken inside, we are making ourselves become addicted to the pain, when really our bodies are just craving to feel something, because we have not allowed it to feel for so long.
When we become addicted to the pain from something one person said one time, then we put it on repeat, we become the abuser, we become the then punisher. Not them, It is a vicious cycle that has to end. F- THEM then F-yourself! FORGIVE THEM, then FORGIVE YOURSELF for the thousands of times you repeated it!
The words we say after I am,
make or break us.
Choose. Them. Wisely.
We must get to the heart of the addictions. We must always be aware of what addictions we are battling and start changing them one by one. Changing each of our bad addictions into good habits and our “needs” back into choices.
By taking away the power we give ourselves back the gift of choice. We can decide if it’s something we really want at all? What is at the heart of your addiction? What feeling are you associating with it, or what need are we trying to fulfill? Is it the real result you want? What pain are we trying to numb? Is there forgiveness are you need to give, to yourself, to others? Who do you need to forgive that hurt you? How will you show forgiveness to yourself?
“Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die.”
~Nelson Mandela
I’m sure you have heard that quote before, but it is so true. But let’s go deeper in saying that by replaying the event in our head we are taking that same poison over and over again. We are poisoning our self a million times over with the same event that probably happened once! Buddha said it this way… “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” And Jesus said, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Forgiveness is our freedom.
We must not only forgive the ones who hurt us but forgive ourselves for doing FAR WORSE damage than they ever did by playing that rerun over and over in our head and poisoning our hearts, lives, and health with it. This is 99.9% the heart of all addictions. If we could take care of this one thing, then it would take care of most everything else!
Think of it this way, if someone were to hurt us to swing a punch at us every time we saw them, don’t you think by instinct we would learn to dodge, fight back, or avoid them? Would we just submit and allow them to always punch us in the face repeatedly? NO! This is what you are doing to yourself. Someone hit you once and so you have been punching yourself in the face for years now. WHY? Stop hurting yourself! You deserve better. We all do. The people who care about us deserve better from us as well. They need us to heal, because hurt people, hurt people.
If we don’t take care of our self,
no one else will either.
Nor can we take care of others.
I hope this helps everyone who is struggling with addictions to break free from them by getting to the heart of them. We can’t enjoy things when we live in a state of need and state of lack. Living in a state of lack brings more lack.
Everything we do is amplified and multiplied. It is why we “need” more and more. We can’t just stop at one tater chip, or can we? But seriously, if anyone is struggling with addiction please seek help, find your safe place, be brave, you ARE in control, choose something better for you. Heal the pain, face the monster and punch him in the face instead. Whatever you need to do to and get to the heart of it.
STOP SELF PUNISHING AND START SELF HEALING!
If I can help in any way please let me know. Let’s not waste another day damaging ourselves, break the cycle, if you have no one to turn to, and you are ready to break it, email me, I will help you get to the heart of it. It will require bravery and honesty with yourself and with me. But you will break free. If you are ready please email me at angie@bettermetribe.com – Love you all.
Addiction is something near and dear to my heart. I have lost many friends and family due to addictions. Some have died inside, and others outside. And everyone around them has been hurt by it. Please take the advice here, be brave, take the steps and break the chains and shackles of addiction and live a life of freedom. <3
Anonymous
This is an excellent explanation of Addiction!
bettermetribe
Thank you! Hope it helps someone out there struggling! ❤️❤️