Do you feel like you’re not good enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough, skinny enough, fat enough, rich, poor, gay, straight, woke, spiritual, religious, political, vegan, keto, girl, boy, black, white, Asian, Indian, (whatever race or culture) enough? Or “whatever label you want to insert” enough? STOP IT.
Who decides that? Who is setting these standards, these rules, for us? Why are we not setting them for ourselves? Do they abide by these standards themselves? Most likely not; therefore, it is all imaginary and does not count. So can we just stop?
Enough already. You are not Goldilocks. You are not too little or much, too hot or too cold; you are just the right amount of everything for everyone who is supposed to be your people, just the right flavor for those meant to take a drink of your yumminess.
All of these double-standard and overwhelming feelings of not-enoughness are straight-up insanity. Let that …ish go!
There are three life lessons that we all must learn that will remove all of this nonsense from your life so that you can finally be free become the best version of yourself and no one else possible. But, before we dive into these life lessons, let’s first set you free from the cage you are being held in.
MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS:
Close your eyes and sit in all of your not-enoughness, and answer this one question…
Good enough for who?
Who is the person setting these standards for you in your mind? Who’s love are you trying to earn or keep? Is it your mom, dad, enemy, or friend? It is usually one of those four, and usually, even more, one of the first two.
Is this person actually happy, prosperous, an example of abundant, overflowing love? Are they good humans? Beneficial to humanity? Are they everything you ever want to be? Really? Be honest! No one is perfect.
We never know what people are like behind closed doors and believe me, you probably don’t want to know. Because then you would find out that you had a fake version of them up on a pedestal. Are you holding them up to impossible standards as well? Are you actually holding yourself to hostage impossible standards that they didn’t set to make them proud? Ouch. I know. Chances are if it is a parent, they are beautiful, messy humans too, and already super proud of you! I hope this frees you.❤️
Let’s agree right now to only set standards for ourselves and quit trying to control or be controlled by others. The only standard or rule that we can set for ourselves is to…
Be a better, smarter, healthier, more abundantly loving human than we were yesterday.
And that is it; the rest is BS!
This leads us to Life lesson #1.
#1. Never take the advice or opinion from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.
Everyone is a messy and beautiful, flawed human, trying their best to become a better human and learning all kinds of lessons of what-not-to-do along the way.
Those who try to control others are not in control of themselves.
We should all be too busy learning, growing, and evolving from victories and triumphs, mistakes and failures to even try to control anyone else.
Chances are, if someone is pushing you to uphold some impossible, superhuman standard and not loving you exactly how you are and where you are, they probably don’t even know you. Everyone should be helping each other grow into the best version of themselves. They may be living vicariously through you and shoving all their regrets onto your plate… As if your plate isn’t full enough already, right? They tend to use phrases like “If I were you, I would…”
#2. Labels Limit.
Labels divide and conquer.
They do not bring the togetherness and belonging that we all crave.
You are not a box to be labeled and put away in the attic to collect dust and be ignored. You are a human being, and being human is your job. Being human means living, experiencing, exploring, learning, trying, failing, and trying again and again until things work out!
Stop shoving yourself in boxes with labels and limiting your life and experiences. Boxes/labels are like caskets, and you are not dead. Do as much living as possible before you are.
Do you know what you really are? You are a being of love, and you are good enough for everyone who is supposed to be in your life. And will never fit into any box or label that anyone tries to place on you. Be free.
Think of labels like outfits.
Sure, new clothes feel nice at first. In them, we are more confident, and they give us permission to shine our light which makes people compliment us more. But it is usually because of our presence and has nothing to do with the outfit.
We try on different outfits (labels) throughout life and even buy into some of them for a little while. The sense of belonging makes all feel right with the world for a little while… Until it isn’t. The new and excitement wear off, and the colors fade, and they no longer fit right.
If the same people who loved you because of this outfit or label are threatening to take that love away if you change, then their love isn’t real at all. You were just a backup actor in their movie. That is not a real relationship.
Don’t let anyone hold you hostage and declare that you must wear this one label forever because they do. NO! This is not love and acceptance; it is toxic, abusive bullying, and imprisonment. It’s Ego, and he nor the people threatening not to love you anymore if you change your mind, are not your amigos.
Find the tribe that loves you for you, not for labels, status, or anything else superficial that can be changed or taken away in the blink of an eye. The right people love us no matter what. Those who shove us into labeled boxes are only doing so because they feel stuck in there and don’t want to be alone. They’re just trying to belong too. Reach your hand in and help them become free too and belong to a much bigger society—the human race.
We don’t have to pretend or label ourselves to belong or appease anyone.
We are already good enough.
You will never be good enough for the wrong people, and you will never be too much for the right ones.
We declare labels to fulfill that sense of belonging that we all crave, that is placed within us to help us find our people. But, declare labels over your life, and you will be held hostage by them (by yourself and others.)
Following the things that make your soul light up, don’t settle in a labeled box.
Following what you’re drawn to, Leads you to your purpose.
Ask yourself what about this person, place, or thing makes your soul light up? And what doesn’t? A “pros and cons” list, if you will. Follow the pros, and they will lead you to more pros, but follow the cons, and they will lead you to more cons.
Pick a lane and don’t settle for a bunch of almosts or pretend just to fit in. Because that’s just lying to yourself and others and will only lead to pain for everyone in the end.
Give yourself and others permission to try new things every single day, knowing that each new experience brings new wisdom. Each thing we learn about ourselves brings a new understanding of others.
#3. Comparison is the thief of all joy.
The thing about labels is, they BRING comparison. When we adopt a label, we then must fight for our place in the hierarchy, the totem pole. Comparing how ___ someone is, compared to another. This is what brings the “good enough” battle onto the field. STOP IT.
You are just the right amount of everything for this moment in time. Yes, we can all become better versions of ourselves and should be striving to every day, but we can never become better versions of someone else. There will always be someone more or less ___ than you. Who cares!
Rock the best version of “current you” that there is? Because you change and grow every day, and tomorrow is a brand new adventure! Work towards your goals for yourself, your health, wealth, happiness, and sanity! No one else. That is all we can do! You are only in charge of yourself. Find your why and go for it.
There are reasons everyone is how they are.
Something drives each of us to become who and what we are. Whether it be guilt, shame, comparison, thinking, we can earn love. Maybe it is right wrongs of our past, to never feel powerless to anyone else ever again because we were bullied or abused, or we stand out because we got tired of being ignored. There is always a reason behind every action or behavior. Understanding our own why’s helps us understand others. Get to the heart, and you will find the why.
You do not have to earn someone’s like or love.
If you do, then nothing you ever do will be good enough for them, plus it gives them the power to take it away at any moment, making it all pointless. Never give anyone that much power over you. Most likely, if you were to ask and not assume, they would tell you that you are already beyond good enough for them, and they love you just as you are already! If not, bless and release and find those who do.
The only real question is… Are you being the best messy and beautiful human you can be? Start there.
Others treat us how we treat us.
Search for your tribe. The one who doesn’t compare themselves to you, nor you to them. The one where belonging means to be fully accepted, with or without any or many labels. The moment you stand up tall on your own, the right people will be able to find you. Those you seek are seeking you too! Who are you comparing yourself to? Are you trying to fit into their box, under their label? Darling, it is not going to fit. It is not meant for you.
No one is only one label.
No human fits inside of one box until they die. We have one life to live, so LIVE IT and Live it large! Instead of labels, collect memories, experiences, moments. Collect pictures and mementos to never forget.
Let your life be an inspiration.
Create stories worth sharing for generations to come. Stories of what to do, what not to do. Things that made you laugh and things that made you cry. Tell stories of the beautiful people you met along the way that stopped time in its tracks and collect the people who make your soul feel at home.
Live without limiting labels, comparison, and judgments. Just live. Live a life that you love. Because you only get to do it once.